Foster Parenting

Jared and I have been foster parents for three and a half years. We adopted T-bug two and half years ago. We have only had five other kids with us, including Superman and Little Lou who we currently have and hope to permanently have by the end of the year. So, only three kids so far that I have had to let go. I am not a good foster parent, I like to think that I am a good parent, but not so great as a foster parent. The focus that the state wants a foster parent to have is how to support parent and child towards a successful reunification. My focus tends more towards how to keep the child mine! Fostering is definately the hardest thing that I have ever done- even harder than the week I went with no sugar. The emotional turmoil is difficult for me, but helping my children deal with it, and helping the foster kids cope with all of the loss and anxiety that they are feeling-- some days I feel like I'm barely managing. We have had Superman and Little Lou for fifteen months now and they are both very settled and dealing better with their emotions every day, at least as well as a four and seven year old can. It is difficult for us to not know their future, but it's impossible for me to imagine their feelings of uncertainty and anxiety about their future. Little Lou doesn't really understand enough to know what the situation is, but Superman knows and asks occasionally if he is going to get to stay with us forever. We can't give him a satisfactory answer yet. Hopefully soon we will be able to. And although it is the hardest thing that I have ever done, it is also the most fullfilling thing that I have ever done. A chocolate chip cookie might taste good in the moment- and there were a lot of moments that week I would have REALLY enjoyed one!- but the first time a little boy says "I love you" and calls me mommy, or a little girl holds my cheeks and kisses my face are the moments that I will enjoy for the rest of my life.