The Ten Percent Rule

"Good families- even great families- are off track 90 percent of the time!"
                                                                          - Stephen R. Covey

As I sat in between my two nine-year olds at church today, my good friend was giving a talk on family unity.  I was throwing elbows and dirty looks and shushing kids as fast as I could, but this quote got through the crazy and into my head.  What a feeling of relief!  It's okay if we are barely functional most of the time! 

I have worried a lot lately about my kids and our family life.  We are in a difficult stage right now:  we have a hormonal twelve- year old girl, two whiny, self-centered nine-year olds, one of them picks fights with anyone available just for the sake of arguing and the other makes noise constantly that is always one decibel above any talking or music or other noise in the room.  And our sweet six year old who has perfected the whiny tattle while secretly antagonizing the other kids.  When everyone is home it is a constant stream of contention, and a super grumpy mom!

I worry that all they will remember of their childhoods is me yelling and sending them to their rooms, or sitting in front of the television for hours on end because I got tired of yelling and wanted them to be content ( and away from me).  I worry that they won't build sibling relationships like I want for them, or that they won't associate our home as the place they would most like to be.  I worry and worry and worry and then worry that I am worrying too much!
I made a list.

Things that only happen ten percent (or less) of the time:
    Talking nice
     playing together
     enjoying family scripture study
     pleasant family home evenings
     limiting screen time
     teaching important life skills (dishes, laundry, cooking)
     patient and understanding mom who doesn't yell
     logical consequences

The list could be really, really long.  Embarrassingly long.  But, when I stop and focus on what happens in the good moments, the moments when we are on track and I feel the joy of motherhood, I can see the direction we are headed and I can see that we are making progress.  Slow, painful, dragging us by the teeth progress, but progress nonetheless. We have a goal to be a happy, loving family and to have a home environment that will make our kids want to be here and to bring their friends here and to return again and again no matter what.  We work towards that every day. We make progress, in varying degrees, everyday!

So, my new guide line is ten percent.  As long as I feel like the important things are happening ten percent of the time, I will be happy.  Less worrying, more loving and enjoying the stage we are in- there are so many good things about every stage.  We don't have to be perfect, we just have to keep getting back on track everyday and keep trying.