I love thunder and lightning storms. Something about them is magical to me- the flash of light and the echoing grumble, the louder the better! Especially in the summer- the cool wind and the much needed rain with the added bonus of a light show and music in the heavens make for a great evening. One of my favorite childhood memories is of dancing in warm summer rain listening to the thunder.
I also have a very vivid memory of being about twelve years old and visiting my Aunt at her ranch in Mcall, ID. The thunder was bouncing around between those beautiful mountains and the lightning was incredible. My aunt gathered me and my cousin in her bedroom and we sat on the bed, her arms around us, and waited out the storm. She explained how these storms had always frightened her and how she hated thunder and lightning. That is the first time I can remember associating fear with those storms I loved so much.
Fast Forward.... Four and a half year old T-bug joins our family and we discover that she is full of fear for anything that is out of her control- the car going too fast or down a big hill, being bounced high on the trampoline, swinging high, and weather. Thunder is her nemesis and lighting right behind. She is terrified, and the smallest little rumble can wake her from a deep sleep. As she has gotten older and learned about things like tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, and floods, her fear deepens.
Luckily, she is able to put this aside most of the time and it does not interfere with her daily life. Unless she listens to the news or the weather, or practices an earthquake drill at school. Then for days she will worry, ask questions about what would happen if a natural disaster did occur at our home. Her fear sits in the back of her mind and keeps her vigilant- no sleeping, no letting your guard down, the flood is coming.
Last night as the thunder roared and the lightning flashed and I thought how nice it was to be in our warm kitchen with the kids doing various projects, T-bug paced from window to window with that look on her face- the panicked "we're all going to die" look. Words don't comfort and nothing distracts, so I let her pace and answer her questions calmly.
"What would happen if the drains plugged and the water couldn't go down."
"Lightning likes metal, right? Will it hit the car?"
"How is dad going to get home?"
"What would happen if the lightning hits our house?"
I repeat over and over, "You are safe in our house," hoping that some day she will feel that way. I can only imagine the things of her childhood that caused her fear of not being in control, and I am sad that she is missing out on the beauty of nature, the feeling of letting go and flying free, out of control and loving it. It amazes me how a lack of nurturing at a very young age affects so many different aspects of development and understanding of life. It saddens me that my little nine year old girl loses sleep over natural disasters that could occur someday.
I realize that a fear of thunder and lightning is not uncommon, and that natural disasters are frightening and devastating. I know that I cannot promise her that nothing like that will ever happen to our house or our neighborhood. But I hope that someday she will be able to manage that fear and know that she is strong and the world is not against her and that there is beauty in things that are bigger than us - a symphony in the flashes of light and the answering thunder.
